The day I cut my hair off.
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| Enjoy some snapshots of my hair journey as I take you through the stages of my hair. |
I decided to cut my hair off because I was tired. Tired of the process of retouching (which is re-applying the chemicals also known as relaxer for those of you who don't know). The upkeep of it. The whole concern about getting it wet and not being able to dye it without ruining my perm. I was tired. Not to mention I, a black girl, was trying to achieve this idealistic fiction of Caucasian hair despite my Afro roots. And the reality never met the ideal, leaving me with damaged hair beyond repair.
Now don't get me wrong - no hate to my chocolate sisters out there who use relaxer, if it suits you and your lifestyle go for it, but it's certainly not for me. I understand it can be easier to manage for some and actually more beneficial to their hair, however enough was enough and I decided I didn't want it anymore. I had had a straight relaxer for about four years then a curly perm for five. Out of the two I preferred the curly perm, just because I loved the curls it gave and the volume it had but whenever I dyed it, the dye damaged my curl pattern and my hair was never the same. I never really had loads of hair to begin with - barley shoulder length, nonetheless I could still tie it up and it was thick. In the summer of 2013 my hair began to break and it was at this point I got plaited extensions to try and salvage what I could. But this was to no avail and I contemplated the idea of shaving it all off.
After toying with this idea for a while and looking at old baby photos to make sure my skull was a decent shape, I stumbled across Shameless Maya and a video my sister showed me and she gave me confidence to chop it all off. Before this though my girl crush at the time was an amazing vocalist, Laura Mvula, had the buzz cut I was planning to go for, and I loved the was she held herself with such conviction and her daring haircut I felt contributed to this. And after reading this article I decided from this point forward that my hair didn't define my beauty and I did. I was no longer be a slave to it and refused try to conform to an ideal (long straight luscious locks that would sway in the wind) that didn't suit me.
To those that say there is no pressure to conform I can tell you there is, sometimes I feel out of place (racially and culturally) and my hair only adds to this, weaning it natural is linked to this stereotype of being wild or having to make a statement - which is not the case when it is just what it is. Hair. Natural curly hair. Then come the interrogations and it draws attention; Eww you don't wash it everyday?! Can I touch it? - that one's the worst. Some don't even ask for permission. When does anyone ever ask to touch yours? No. You can't touch it. So when it's relaxed the pressure's off and there aren't so many questions. And it is even conceived that it can improve one's ability to be employed and respectability. But there is no shame with the Afro there is nothing wrong with it. So straighten it, relax it, braid it cut it, do what you want. It's yours but it does not define your beauty or you - you do.
I won't lie to you, there are some days I miss having hair and long to feel that relief of tying it up. Then I remember how much time it saves me in the morning and how I can dye it and if it goes wrong I can chop it all off and start again. And who knows maybe I'll grow it out in the future, but for now I think it's just fine. I have to say it's given me a massive confidence boost in myself - I'm not really sure why but I couldn't be happier with my decision.
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| More recent images of my hair. |
Much love,
Margaret xXx
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