Last week I can say for the first time in my life ever, I felt body proud. No this isn't an account of me accomplishing an astounding weight loss goal because even when that 'said' goal is reached, it's important to realise that our bodies require maintenance, because we are forever a 'work in progress.' The success of one's health cannot be fully defined by a number on a scale - the scale simply cannot consider all the every variables and more importantly, cannot measure happiness.
So when I speak of being being body proud I mean looking in the mirror and realising that there is nothing wrong with the way one looks and actually loving what is there in front of you. I hope that you can feel this way or begin to by the time you've come to the end of this post. But before I get started I want to give a shout-out to one of my best friends who referred to my epiphany as 'BODY PROUD', and I can actually say I am. Further inspiration comes from this video of powerful spoken word called 'Somewhere in America' by Belissa Escobedo, Rhiannon McGavin, and Zariya Allen on the Queen Latifah Show I saw a couple months back. As well as this video by Shirely B. Eniang and this video by Estee Lalonde have contributed to my contentedness in my own skin, so I thank them for starting a discussion on this topic.
In all honesty body confidence isn't something I've struggled too much with before, but it has physically impacted my body language, mannerisms, and clothing choices. An example I think of now as absolutely ludicrous is when I put foundation on my shoulders and arms to cover my stretch marks and when I had to change for P.E. the inside of my school shirt was covered in foundation. Now looking back, I realise that stretch marks are a perfectly natural, normal occurrence and nothing to be embarrassed about. And I wouldn't have said it was an issue but compared to how I feel now, I wasn't proud enough. As big-boned, busty, tall black girl I've never fitted in with the ideal perception of beauty I've grown up to expect or see, so it's something I've brushed off and not given that much thought to. And whilst I say this has given me strength of character I'm now realising how much more comfortable I could have been in my skin.
The underlying problem I find with this topic is shame. For some reason we are made to feel shame over the way we look and the danger of this begins at such a young age making us grow up feeling perpetually inadequate. Thus though it may not seem obvious at first, but this toxic perception leads us to feed our bodies in an equally toxic fashion. Ella Grace rightfully said; 'We are not eating out of love for our bodies, we are eating out of dislike and hate. This is where it goes wrong. Because we are eating out of dislike we will only ever see more dislike in ourselves.' This is where the idea of what you put in you get out really comes to fruition, because when it comes to unhealthy relationships with food, they satisfy momentary sentiments of pleasure that fade and don't really satisfy a yearning for something much deeper, never mind denying the body of real nourishment.
This self-loathing treatment doesn't only come in the form of bad eating habits, but can also result in mental health conditions and physical abuse to the body in terms of scarification or over-exercising etc. I cannot say that I've personally dealt with issues as deep as these but when I was younger fad diets had appealed to me (I was a chubby kid, kinda still am, but it's okay) - but I enjoyed my food too much to give it up! And ages ago on Oprah, I learnt that staving yourself only has the reverse effect to the initial one intended. Therefore when the desire to make a change, so many are so ill informed and do not realise that a healthy body starts with a healthy mind and outlook to revise one's lifestyle. This can only be truly achieved through making the personal conscious decision to change for reasons originating from one's own desire and realisation of self-worth, as opposed to trying (and ultimately failing) to please someone else.
One of the most important things to realise that comparison is the thief joy and realise at times that things are 'good for you not for me' (Amy Poehler). How can it possibly be fair on yourself to compare yourself to anyone other than yourself. You are not the same as anyone else and this could be in terms of genetic make-up, but even if it is the same or similar in some cases, we have different minds and perceptions that make our view of the world and the way we live in it, unique to only ourselves.
Once we learn how to a appreciate ourselves, the care our bodies crave will only come naturally.
Rationale
A couple years ago when the thigh gap was 'in' I do recall wondering why I didn't have one and naturally thought there was excess fat where there didn't need to be, but I went onto find out that the thigh gap is usually determined by one's skeletal frame. Normal being when your knees are somewhat perpendicular to your hips, bow-legs where your knees bend outwards away from the centre of your hips whereas those with knock-knees the knees are inwards towards the centre of the hips (I have this kind). View diagram here.
I would like to add that some things we have grown to accept but should question more, a prime example is the term 'cellulite'. The term was first used in the 1920s by spa and beauty services to promote their services, and began appearing in English language publications in the late 1960s, with the earliest reference in Vogue magazine Based on recent research, it is more likely that cellulite is a natural part of the human body than a disease (wikipedia).
To think that over 50 years later it is considered a problem rather than a natural occurrence implies that the media have an worryingly profound influence on our behaviour. So we should remain vigilant, always question and take things with a pinch of salt.
So when I speak of being being body proud I mean looking in the mirror and realising that there is nothing wrong with the way one looks and actually loving what is there in front of you. I hope that you can feel this way or begin to by the time you've come to the end of this post. But before I get started I want to give a shout-out to one of my best friends who referred to my epiphany as 'BODY PROUD', and I can actually say I am. Further inspiration comes from this video of powerful spoken word called 'Somewhere in America' by Belissa Escobedo, Rhiannon McGavin, and Zariya Allen on the Queen Latifah Show I saw a couple months back. As well as this video by Shirely B. Eniang and this video by Estee Lalonde have contributed to my contentedness in my own skin, so I thank them for starting a discussion on this topic.
In all honesty body confidence isn't something I've struggled too much with before, but it has physically impacted my body language, mannerisms, and clothing choices. An example I think of now as absolutely ludicrous is when I put foundation on my shoulders and arms to cover my stretch marks and when I had to change for P.E. the inside of my school shirt was covered in foundation. Now looking back, I realise that stretch marks are a perfectly natural, normal occurrence and nothing to be embarrassed about. And I wouldn't have said it was an issue but compared to how I feel now, I wasn't proud enough. As big-boned, busty, tall black girl I've never fitted in with the ideal perception of beauty I've grown up to expect or see, so it's something I've brushed off and not given that much thought to. And whilst I say this has given me strength of character I'm now realising how much more comfortable I could have been in my skin.
Shame, self-loathing & comparison
The underlying problem I find with this topic is shame. For some reason we are made to feel shame over the way we look and the danger of this begins at such a young age making us grow up feeling perpetually inadequate. Thus though it may not seem obvious at first, but this toxic perception leads us to feed our bodies in an equally toxic fashion. Ella Grace rightfully said; 'We are not eating out of love for our bodies, we are eating out of dislike and hate. This is where it goes wrong. Because we are eating out of dislike we will only ever see more dislike in ourselves.' This is where the idea of what you put in you get out really comes to fruition, because when it comes to unhealthy relationships with food, they satisfy momentary sentiments of pleasure that fade and don't really satisfy a yearning for something much deeper, never mind denying the body of real nourishment.
This self-loathing treatment doesn't only come in the form of bad eating habits, but can also result in mental health conditions and physical abuse to the body in terms of scarification or over-exercising etc. I cannot say that I've personally dealt with issues as deep as these but when I was younger fad diets had appealed to me (I was a chubby kid, kinda still am, but it's okay) - but I enjoyed my food too much to give it up! And ages ago on Oprah, I learnt that staving yourself only has the reverse effect to the initial one intended. Therefore when the desire to make a change, so many are so ill informed and do not realise that a healthy body starts with a healthy mind and outlook to revise one's lifestyle. This can only be truly achieved through making the personal conscious decision to change for reasons originating from one's own desire and realisation of self-worth, as opposed to trying (and ultimately failing) to please someone else.
One of the most important things to realise that comparison is the thief joy and realise at times that things are 'good for you not for me' (Amy Poehler). How can it possibly be fair on yourself to compare yourself to anyone other than yourself. You are not the same as anyone else and this could be in terms of genetic make-up, but even if it is the same or similar in some cases, we have different minds and perceptions that make our view of the world and the way we live in it, unique to only ourselves.
Once we learn how to a appreciate ourselves, the care our bodies crave will only come naturally.
Rationale
A couple years ago when the thigh gap was 'in' I do recall wondering why I didn't have one and naturally thought there was excess fat where there didn't need to be, but I went onto find out that the thigh gap is usually determined by one's skeletal frame. Normal being when your knees are somewhat perpendicular to your hips, bow-legs where your knees bend outwards away from the centre of your hips whereas those with knock-knees the knees are inwards towards the centre of the hips (I have this kind). View diagram here.
I would like to add that some things we have grown to accept but should question more, a prime example is the term 'cellulite'. The term was first used in the 1920s by spa and beauty services to promote their services, and began appearing in English language publications in the late 1960s, with the earliest reference in Vogue magazine Based on recent research, it is more likely that cellulite is a natural part of the human body than a disease (wikipedia).
To think that over 50 years later it is considered a problem rather than a natural occurrence implies that the media have an worryingly profound influence on our behaviour. So we should remain vigilant, always question and take things with a pinch of salt.
You are good enough.
It is okay to be you. You are beautiful, priceless and unique. When people pick out what they consider to be the worst in you, realise that they have insecurities that they cannot themselves deal with, so instead they tear you down in order to build themselves up. And though it may not seem like a compliment at first, there is a sense of fear on their part and they are on the offence because they feel threatened by your confidence and surety. I can definitely say that this has been a recurring theme for me throughout school life for me, and though at times it wasn't always outright physical abuse, the verbal harassment can still get to you.
I hope that one day you too can come to this place of content whereby it's extremely liberating to wake up and start the day with a feeling complete adequacy and maybe not so much love everything you see in the mirror, but embrace it anyway; all the lumps bumps and discolouration or scars. Because it makes you you. And what could possibly be better than that!? (Nothing is the correct answer to that rhetorical question in case you were wondering.)
Yes, of course we can continually make improvements but remember, no-one started off as perfect to begin with. Perfection is a glass ceiling that that society have put in place that limits our potential for greatness, so let me leave you with some wise words from Marc Jacobs that really resonate with me 'I always find beauty in things that are odd and imperfect they are much more interesting.'
P.S. I'll definitely do a video on this at some point, so watch this space!
On a side note I plan to do a follow up to this post about why I cut my hair, so look out for that in the coming weeks.
Much love,
Margaret xXx
Much love,
Margaret xXx
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